Thursday, May 31, 2012

Why I Write?

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I've been this group literati for about a months now and I should say it is definitely not a simple task to be a part of the group. I have been exerting effort to ponder a good outcomes of writings. To a certain extent, it is a heavy responsibility. But then, consequently, I find it gratifying to perceive those who are reading and enjoying my work.

Why I write?

I'm not writing to stay in the group (Literati) nor to impress my readers. I'm writing to stay being myself. I write to express my feelings and to explore my thoughts and put them into words. I usualy write when I'm bored or I do not have any thing else to do. Writing lets me get out of my anger and stress and put it on a piece of paper. I write because I need to. When i feel like I have something good to write on. I do it to express my feelings to someone, to show them my feelings and see what they think of it. I write to explain myself better. I got a lot to say but I don't know how to say it. I feel better expressing myself through writing. It doesn’t matter to me what people think of my poems. They can always be harsh, evil or even sweet. But in the end it’s always me. I write for myself not for them.

I am not a big fan of writing, however sometimes it is necessary. As a writer, you are always in contact with what gives you life. You are using your life for writing -- your whole being is there. I can't even say to myself that I am a writer. I could write. It was just me and my laziness sometimes going against it. The person who does not believe in me is me. So I ought to work on that. So it was not really the writing but the biggest block was believing that I can do it.

In the beginning I found myself drawn toward writing about my life. And just tried to write a poem one day because an idea came to my mind. I found I was not good at it then I practiced more and developed my new poems. It's something I'm quite passionate about and I want to be able to write and I'd just try things out. So I often shifts writing styles from the informal to the formal, vice versa, exploring and adding new vocabulary along the way. I believe that it would help me to shape better my literary skill.

For me the best poems come from what you're feeling and things that you've been through. It is what I do for my poems.

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Monday, May 21, 2012

One Last Time

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We're have our own lives

We'll take a glimpse of the real world
You're still locked up in my mind
We're trapped in a puzzle of relationship
That goes on with or without you
I search for your heart,
I search for my true self
I swim the ocean of the unconscious
Watch the sunset of broken chords
A summer of a shattered sword
I'm sweetly reminiscing the past
Of two wings that embracing
I still think nothing but love
Only days passing without nights
Don't worry coz you're not alone
I'm still on your mind
Let me take you to the place of no regrets
I'm still at your best
You are no doubt aware of the problems
But I'm afraid to see it
I'm shaken by the fact
And I can't even barely move
Tears will pass through
I'm the one who's got to leave
Nobody's really got to leave
I just need to explain it later
Maybe it's time to say goodbye
I just want to see you one last time.

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Sunday, May 20, 2012

Anna

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"d2 na aq sa mall... asan kna?"
"malapit na aq... w8 lang"

Ano kaya ang sasabihin niya sa'kin? Ang seryoso ng mga text niya. Bakit kaya kailangan pang kausapin niya ako ng personal at hindi pwedeng sa phone nalang kami mag-usap? Di tuloy ako nakatulog pagkatapos niyang tumawag kaninang madaling araw. May sasabihin daw siya sa'kin pero di naman siya nagsasalita sa kabilang linya ng telepono. May nangyari kayang hindi maganda? Kinakabahan na tuloy ako. Sana hindi ito yung kinakakatakutan kong mangyari samen.


Mahal ko si Anna at gagawin ko ang lahat para hindi siya mawala sa akin. Maglilimang taon na din kami at marami na kaming napagdaanan. Awayan, tampuhan, hiwalayan, at sa huli nagkakabati din kami. Halos lahat na ng posibleng mangyari sa isang relasyon ay napagdaanan na namin at yung mga pangyayaring iyon ang mas lalong nagpatatag sa pundasyon ng samahan namin.
"asan kna?"

"d2 na aq sa labas ng mall"
"cge.. hintayn lang kta dto sa 4th floor dun sa tagpuan naten "

Habang papasok ako sa mall ay mas lalo akong kinakabahan. Bumibilis ang kabog ng aking dibdib. 'Di ko maipaliwanag.
Tanaw ko na si Anna sa malayo. Medyo matamlay at kung titingnan mabuti ay halata sa kanyang mga mata na hindi pa siya nakakatulog. Ang dami na tuloy tumatakbo sa isipan ko kung ano ba talaga ang nangyari at kung ano ang problema niya. Namin. At sa pagkakataong ito ay doble na ang kaba na nararamdaman ko.

Pagkakita niya saken ay agad niya akong nilapitan at niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit. Hanggang ngayon ay natutunaw parin ako sa mga yakap niya at pinapawi nito ang pangamba ko. Ilang minuto din siyang tahimik at hindi narin ako nagsalita. Niyakap ko narin siya pabalik.
"Babe?" bulong ni Anna na medyo may kalamigan ang boses.

"Bakit?" tanong ko na may halong kaba.

"Babe, buntis ako..."

Parang biglang huminto ang paligid. Di ako makapagsalita. Huminto din ang pagtibok ng puso ko na kanina pa kumakabog sa kaba.

"Babe, ano gagawin ko? Naten?" tanong ni Anna na nag-uumpisa ng umiyak.
"Pano ko 'to sasabihin kay Nanay at Tatay? Pano na ang pag-aaral ko?"

"Babe, magsalita ka naman"

"Babe?" at tuluyan ng humagulhol sa pag-iyak si Anna.

Imbes na magsalita ay niyakap ko nalang siya ng mahigpit at pinapakalma. Pinaparamdam ko sa kanya na di siya mag-iisa at kasama niya akong haharapin ang responsibilidad sa nagawa namin. Hinawakan ko siya sa kanyang mga pisngi at pinunasan ang mga luha na patuloy na pumapatak sa kanyang mga mata.

"Tahan na..."

Tinitigan ko siya at binigyan ng isang matamis na ngiti.


"....Wag ka na umiyak tulungan mo nalang ako mag-isip ng magandang pangalan para sa magiging baby natin" 





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